Monday, November 1, 2010
Needing to write
I sit here and I stare at the keyboard....I have given myself a deadline to finish my book and since doing so I have been frozen! What is it that puts that block into our heads when we have so many stories, so many beautiful moments, so many words needing to get out.....needing to jump onto the keyboard and become that dream that I dream about............Vegas Daughters....a book that needs to be written....a story that needs to be read...one that will eventually make it to the keyboard but for right now.......STUCK IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Moments....
There are so many stories to be told, so many lives that will unfold, so many connections that bring us to this moment.....when we realize that all that has happened in life has been for this...this moment of happiness....this moment of feeling reconnected....this moment of friendship, love and family....the events in our lives have been getting us ready for our time...our time to transcend this life..........this might mean the end of our life as we know it now....it might even mean death. No matter what the end result every breath you have breathed, every step you have taken, every love you have loved, every heart broken, every birth and every loss.....brings you here....now....when it is time for you to transcend to your next phase in life whether it be with your twin soul or to be with the Lord....you must have given it your all....you must have loved as deep as it was possible, laughed so hard you would pee your pants, cried so hard your heart literally stops because that is what living is.....that is what we call life....It is not the number of breaths that we take....it is the moments that take our breath away! I am writing this tonight for my Daddy.....On Monday September 27, 2010 it will have been 3 years since I heard the last words he would ever say to me...."I love you too baby".....He was about life....he lived every minute of his life....and he used to tell me "life is to short to be unhappy" My Daddy might be gone but he taught me how to live....he taught me what it was like to be loved deeply, he taught me what it was to have someone believe in me because he always believed in me even when I didnt believe in myself....he taught me what a hero was.....because he was.....My Hero.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
A first true love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEUP8uVwvBw&feature=related
He was smart, handsome in a boyish way and he was a successful contractor. She was young, married and the bosses daughter at the place he bought his concrete. Their two families had history, his father and her uncle were friends and were always getting in to trouble together.....they were couple of good ole boys just having some fun. Her dad and his uncle were the serious ones, his uncle was the president of a concrete company and her father the vice president.
His dad passed away while he was young and left him on his own, he soon started his own concrete company and became very successful. Her uncle always made sure he had work and would take him plans for jobs to bid on. Her dad also liked him like a son and took great care of him in business. His daughter had never met him except for on the phone when he would order concrete....he was always polite and a little bit flirty. She was a bit shy and backwards, married to a guy that kept her in her place, and eventually would start hitting her. Their friendship blossomed and they would laugh and joke on the phone. It was good for her, he made her feel good about herself. She started to realize that the man she was married to wasn't right......she wasn't lucky that he married her, she wasn't ugly, in fact she was beautiful and a beautiful person. She began to realize there was light at the end of the tunnel.....all because of this man she was about to meet. He came into the office a few times to pay his bills and was always a gentleman, but would kid around with her....he was charming and she knew he could be trouble for her marriage, although it was already to the point of no return.
She would go home at night and cook dinner, she was young and newly married so of course she would have candles lit and the perfect table set. Then it was 6 o'clock, then 7, then 8....she would clean up but she left the table set with the food so that her husband would see how hard she was trying to be a good wife....she cried as she took her shower and climbed in bed.....at 11 o'clock he would stumble in with whiskey on his breath, if she pushed him away he would beat her. She was always a tomboy and when it came to fighting she would have her fists in the air and ready to go but he took that from her....he beat her so badly that she was now afraid, she was more than afraid, she was petrified. Of course when he was done, he would wake up and cry and say that he didn't remember and would never do it again. No one knew her private hell....she put up a great front...she was the tough one...in fact people sometimes felt sorry for him because they thought she was so tough. She was tough in the beginning....until he overpowered her and she let him take her soul. She was in no way a victim and never allowed herself to feel that way, she considered herself a survivor.....she survived it almost everyday.
She was to afraid to tell anyone....one because she was ashamed and the second and most important was that she knew if she told anyone her Daddy would kill him and go to prison. So she chose to deal with it the best that she could....sometimes thinking it was her fault. But then this bright light shown at the end of a very dark tunnel.......it was him....her contractor friend. It was the beginning of a friendship that spanned thirty years and began on his birthday.
It was March 20th, a Saturday and he had been teasing her on the phone all week about bringing a set of plans out to the job. This was something that her uncle usually did, however he had forgotten to do it on Friday so she decided to go. Her stomach was full of butterflies and her heart was racing as she pulled up to the job. There he stood, with that cocky little grin and one eye squinting because of the sun....."So you taking me to lunch...your uncle always takes me to lunch when he brings me plans!".....she was nervous but there wasn't anything else she could think about at that moment that she wanted to do more.
It was a great friendship, and yes there was a tension there, one that they both knew was there. They started to hang out together, especially when her husband would go out drinking with the guys from work, he didn't know it but she was afraid to go home....when she left him she would go to her girlfriends house and stay the night so that she wouldn't have to face another useless beating. She began to feel empowered and started to make plans to leave her marriage, not for another man, but for herself. This new friend in her life made her realize that she was worthy of love, she was strong and that she had a life to live that would mean something.
It was a Friday night, her husband was out on a binge and she knew she could not go home...she had taken some clothes and was going to spend the night with her friend until Sunday.....her husband hated it when she did this but he knew why and when he sobered up he would call her crying.....it was starting to anger her and she knew he needed help. This Friday night her girlfriend had a date so she needed a place to go until she got home so of course she called her new friend.....They took a trip up to the old lodge in the mountains...had dinner and were sitting around the big fire pit inside having a few drinks...it was peaceful and the most calm she had felt in years. She was to young to be feeling this tired....He seemed to know she was struggling in her heart...he reached over and put his hand on hers and said..."Don't worry....everything will be ok...you will see". He then got up and went to the juke box, played 2 songs for her....he never said another word until they were over....the first song was "Pretty Woman" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nAw9S95ZS4&feature=relatedand the other was "Lady" by Kenny Rogers..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3of2F1QXtKo&feature=related she felt the tears well up in her eyes and tried to hide them....her emotions were all over the place but all she seemed to want to do was to let him hold her. He stood up...held out his hand and all he said was ...."you better get home"....Terror struck her heart and he saw it. He walked her outside and put his hands on her shoulders and asked her what was going on......she couldn't tell him....it would put him in danger too....somehow he knew though....and all he said to her was..."You don't have to be afraid of anything....I will always be here for you...you know that".....being uncomfortable she started joking around and ran up a small embankment to gather a snow ball. When she was with him she felt so light.....she felt so safe.......so she gathered one up and started to throw it when she slipped.....of course....he was right there to catch her.....and it happened....their eyes met and he kissed her. It was like a scene from an old movie.....caught up in the kiss for what seemed the longest time they suddenly realized what was happening and pulled away. Her life would never be the same after that.
They began to see each other, she began to make plans to leave her marriage....but they both agreed it was because the marriage was over....not because of their relationship. It was going to be harder than she thought....her husband would threaten even more when she talked about separating, he refused to get help, she was feeling exhausted from a double life and guilty from not being able to live with integrity.
One night she decided to stay home and get some rest because she was just tired of running away....her husband came home drunk beyond drunk....he always wanted to fight with her, especially if he couldn't have his way....tonight she decided she was fighting back....before she could get the bathroom door closed and locked he had his body in the door and threw a punch that sent her to the floor....she crawled toward the stairs and he pulled her up and shoved her down them....she made her way to the door to the extra set of keys....she left her purse in the car on purpose...just in case...and she got away. Crying and hurting she made it to the nearest pay phone and called him. She met him at the park and when he took her glasses of she began to cry.....he was angry, she had never seen this look in his beautiful blue eyes before....but he didn't say anything....he gently kissed her swollen cheek...told her to get in and took her to get ice. Once she was settled down he began to drive.....he wouldn't tell her where he was going and the when he took the Sahara exit she knew....she began to cry and plead with him. He was taking her to her parents, he was going to get her Dad. She was so scared she was trembling, she told him she could take it and didn't want him or her Dad to go to jail.....He pulled up in front of the house next door to her Moms and took her in his arms. " You have to promise me you will tell them and you will leave....not for me but before he kills you" he said through tears in his eyes. She would have told him anything so that her Dad wouldn't find out and she nodded yes....He drove her back to her car and followed her to her friends....her best friend by now knew and he took her there. She had good friends....they let her shower, made her food and made her crawl right in bed next to them....her best friend stoked her hair until she dosed off to sleep.
It was a few days later when she went home, during the week her husband was usually good and didn't drink. He was busy trying to make it up to her with stories like " he blacked out...doesn't remember...blah blah blah" and that was all she heard...she hated him now. She told her friend that she couldn't see him until she straightened this out....he understood but he didn't like it...he was worried. So he started stopping by and hanging out with her husband....he thought if he was there then she would be safe and she was for the most part. Because of all of the stress she ended up sick with bronchitis and started sleeping on the couch....she was safe there because when he would come in drunk he would pass her and go upstairs and pass out. One night she was finally starting to feel better and had dosed off into a deep sleep....all she remembers is her drunken husband dragging her upstairs by her hair...he was going to force himself on her....Her mind was spinning but she knew there would be no way this would ever ever happen again....he smacked her and when she fell to the ground she grabbed the gun in the nightstand, shoved the clip in and aimed right at his chest....he didn't stop...he came at her and she closed her eyes, prayed to God to forgive her and pulled the trigger............he fell to the ground.....laughing....the clip had fell out of the gun onto the floor. He lay on the floor laughing like a hyena .....she grabbed the phone called her best friend and ran, as hard and as fast as she could .....they picked her up in her t-shirt and underwear on the corner. Again she stayed at their house.
Her best friend called him this time .....he rushed over.....he told her to meet him later he had a plan. So later that evening she met him....at the park...their favorite place. He had two plane tickets to California and wanted her to leave on Saturday...."We can start over....I can get my contractor license anywhere" he pleaded..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1xiFRccd88&feature=related (Lionel Richie My Love) she started to cry....overwhelmed, feeling beaten down and yet so loved...she was only 21 years old....she told him she had to think about it......and then when she answered him she told him they needed to wait....He was angry...he didn't understand he told her if she loved him she would go....and she did...she loved him more than anything and that was part of the problem....she didn't want him to leave what he had worked so hard for here....what she didn't understand is that at that moment when she told him no....he began to let her go.....he couldn't handle her pain any longer and he loved her enough to let her figure out things on her own. Over the next few years it was a crazy time.....she left her husband....for herself.....her first love came in and out of her life but never really stayed gone. There are many many more stories that belong here but the most important thing to know is that over the next 28 years he was always there....even though they ended up with different people....they both always knew a piece of their hearts were each others......and now tomorrow September 14, 2010 I have to say goodbye to my first true love.....the man that gave me wings.....my knight in shining armor....and I will cry, yet inside my heart he lives and the memories which are to many to list here will live with me forever. RIP Butch....I know you'll be watching me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEnJDaqT3-0 (/Every Breath You Take-Sting)
He was smart, handsome in a boyish way and he was a successful contractor. She was young, married and the bosses daughter at the place he bought his concrete. Their two families had history, his father and her uncle were friends and were always getting in to trouble together.....they were couple of good ole boys just having some fun. Her dad and his uncle were the serious ones, his uncle was the president of a concrete company and her father the vice president.
His dad passed away while he was young and left him on his own, he soon started his own concrete company and became very successful. Her uncle always made sure he had work and would take him plans for jobs to bid on. Her dad also liked him like a son and took great care of him in business. His daughter had never met him except for on the phone when he would order concrete....he was always polite and a little bit flirty. She was a bit shy and backwards, married to a guy that kept her in her place, and eventually would start hitting her. Their friendship blossomed and they would laugh and joke on the phone. It was good for her, he made her feel good about herself. She started to realize that the man she was married to wasn't right......she wasn't lucky that he married her, she wasn't ugly, in fact she was beautiful and a beautiful person. She began to realize there was light at the end of the tunnel.....all because of this man she was about to meet. He came into the office a few times to pay his bills and was always a gentleman, but would kid around with her....he was charming and she knew he could be trouble for her marriage, although it was already to the point of no return.
She would go home at night and cook dinner, she was young and newly married so of course she would have candles lit and the perfect table set. Then it was 6 o'clock, then 7, then 8....she would clean up but she left the table set with the food so that her husband would see how hard she was trying to be a good wife....she cried as she took her shower and climbed in bed.....at 11 o'clock he would stumble in with whiskey on his breath, if she pushed him away he would beat her. She was always a tomboy and when it came to fighting she would have her fists in the air and ready to go but he took that from her....he beat her so badly that she was now afraid, she was more than afraid, she was petrified. Of course when he was done, he would wake up and cry and say that he didn't remember and would never do it again. No one knew her private hell....she put up a great front...she was the tough one...in fact people sometimes felt sorry for him because they thought she was so tough. She was tough in the beginning....until he overpowered her and she let him take her soul. She was in no way a victim and never allowed herself to feel that way, she considered herself a survivor.....she survived it almost everyday.
She was to afraid to tell anyone....one because she was ashamed and the second and most important was that she knew if she told anyone her Daddy would kill him and go to prison. So she chose to deal with it the best that she could....sometimes thinking it was her fault. But then this bright light shown at the end of a very dark tunnel.......it was him....her contractor friend. It was the beginning of a friendship that spanned thirty years and began on his birthday.
It was March 20th, a Saturday and he had been teasing her on the phone all week about bringing a set of plans out to the job. This was something that her uncle usually did, however he had forgotten to do it on Friday so she decided to go. Her stomach was full of butterflies and her heart was racing as she pulled up to the job. There he stood, with that cocky little grin and one eye squinting because of the sun....."So you taking me to lunch...your uncle always takes me to lunch when he brings me plans!".....she was nervous but there wasn't anything else she could think about at that moment that she wanted to do more.
It was a great friendship, and yes there was a tension there, one that they both knew was there. They started to hang out together, especially when her husband would go out drinking with the guys from work, he didn't know it but she was afraid to go home....when she left him she would go to her girlfriends house and stay the night so that she wouldn't have to face another useless beating. She began to feel empowered and started to make plans to leave her marriage, not for another man, but for herself. This new friend in her life made her realize that she was worthy of love, she was strong and that she had a life to live that would mean something.
It was a Friday night, her husband was out on a binge and she knew she could not go home...she had taken some clothes and was going to spend the night with her friend until Sunday.....her husband hated it when she did this but he knew why and when he sobered up he would call her crying.....it was starting to anger her and she knew he needed help. This Friday night her girlfriend had a date so she needed a place to go until she got home so of course she called her new friend.....They took a trip up to the old lodge in the mountains...had dinner and were sitting around the big fire pit inside having a few drinks...it was peaceful and the most calm she had felt in years. She was to young to be feeling this tired....He seemed to know she was struggling in her heart...he reached over and put his hand on hers and said..."Don't worry....everything will be ok...you will see". He then got up and went to the juke box, played 2 songs for her....he never said another word until they were over....the first song was "Pretty Woman" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nAw9S95ZS4&feature=relatedand the other was "Lady" by Kenny Rogers..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3of2F1QXtKo&feature=related she felt the tears well up in her eyes and tried to hide them....her emotions were all over the place but all she seemed to want to do was to let him hold her. He stood up...held out his hand and all he said was ...."you better get home"....Terror struck her heart and he saw it. He walked her outside and put his hands on her shoulders and asked her what was going on......she couldn't tell him....it would put him in danger too....somehow he knew though....and all he said to her was..."You don't have to be afraid of anything....I will always be here for you...you know that".....being uncomfortable she started joking around and ran up a small embankment to gather a snow ball. When she was with him she felt so light.....she felt so safe.......so she gathered one up and started to throw it when she slipped.....of course....he was right there to catch her.....and it happened....their eyes met and he kissed her. It was like a scene from an old movie.....caught up in the kiss for what seemed the longest time they suddenly realized what was happening and pulled away. Her life would never be the same after that.
They began to see each other, she began to make plans to leave her marriage....but they both agreed it was because the marriage was over....not because of their relationship. It was going to be harder than she thought....her husband would threaten even more when she talked about separating, he refused to get help, she was feeling exhausted from a double life and guilty from not being able to live with integrity.
One night she decided to stay home and get some rest because she was just tired of running away....her husband came home drunk beyond drunk....he always wanted to fight with her, especially if he couldn't have his way....tonight she decided she was fighting back....before she could get the bathroom door closed and locked he had his body in the door and threw a punch that sent her to the floor....she crawled toward the stairs and he pulled her up and shoved her down them....she made her way to the door to the extra set of keys....she left her purse in the car on purpose...just in case...and she got away. Crying and hurting she made it to the nearest pay phone and called him. She met him at the park and when he took her glasses of she began to cry.....he was angry, she had never seen this look in his beautiful blue eyes before....but he didn't say anything....he gently kissed her swollen cheek...told her to get in and took her to get ice. Once she was settled down he began to drive.....he wouldn't tell her where he was going and the when he took the Sahara exit she knew....she began to cry and plead with him. He was taking her to her parents, he was going to get her Dad. She was so scared she was trembling, she told him she could take it and didn't want him or her Dad to go to jail.....He pulled up in front of the house next door to her Moms and took her in his arms. " You have to promise me you will tell them and you will leave....not for me but before he kills you" he said through tears in his eyes. She would have told him anything so that her Dad wouldn't find out and she nodded yes....He drove her back to her car and followed her to her friends....her best friend by now knew and he took her there. She had good friends....they let her shower, made her food and made her crawl right in bed next to them....her best friend stoked her hair until she dosed off to sleep.
It was a few days later when she went home, during the week her husband was usually good and didn't drink. He was busy trying to make it up to her with stories like " he blacked out...doesn't remember...blah blah blah" and that was all she heard...she hated him now. She told her friend that she couldn't see him until she straightened this out....he understood but he didn't like it...he was worried. So he started stopping by and hanging out with her husband....he thought if he was there then she would be safe and she was for the most part. Because of all of the stress she ended up sick with bronchitis and started sleeping on the couch....she was safe there because when he would come in drunk he would pass her and go upstairs and pass out. One night she was finally starting to feel better and had dosed off into a deep sleep....all she remembers is her drunken husband dragging her upstairs by her hair...he was going to force himself on her....Her mind was spinning but she knew there would be no way this would ever ever happen again....he smacked her and when she fell to the ground she grabbed the gun in the nightstand, shoved the clip in and aimed right at his chest....he didn't stop...he came at her and she closed her eyes, prayed to God to forgive her and pulled the trigger............he fell to the ground.....laughing....the clip had fell out of the gun onto the floor. He lay on the floor laughing like a hyena .....she grabbed the phone called her best friend and ran, as hard and as fast as she could .....they picked her up in her t-shirt and underwear on the corner. Again she stayed at their house.
Her best friend called him this time .....he rushed over.....he told her to meet him later he had a plan. So later that evening she met him....at the park...their favorite place. He had two plane tickets to California and wanted her to leave on Saturday...."We can start over....I can get my contractor license anywhere" he pleaded..... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1xiFRccd88&feature=related (Lionel Richie My Love) she started to cry....overwhelmed, feeling beaten down and yet so loved...she was only 21 years old....she told him she had to think about it......and then when she answered him she told him they needed to wait....He was angry...he didn't understand he told her if she loved him she would go....and she did...she loved him more than anything and that was part of the problem....she didn't want him to leave what he had worked so hard for here....what she didn't understand is that at that moment when she told him no....he began to let her go.....he couldn't handle her pain any longer and he loved her enough to let her figure out things on her own. Over the next few years it was a crazy time.....she left her husband....for herself.....her first love came in and out of her life but never really stayed gone. There are many many more stories that belong here but the most important thing to know is that over the next 28 years he was always there....even though they ended up with different people....they both always knew a piece of their hearts were each others......and now tomorrow September 14, 2010 I have to say goodbye to my first true love.....the man that gave me wings.....my knight in shining armor....and I will cry, yet inside my heart he lives and the memories which are to many to list here will live with me forever. RIP Butch....I know you'll be watching me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEnJDaqT3-0 (/Every Breath You Take-Sting)
Friday, September 3, 2010
Believe
Even in our darkest hours
it's there
Even when we feel like failure
it's there
When we lose
it is still there
It is at our lowest we find it
lying beneath the blanket of darkness
Hiding around negativity's corner
it's there
Even when we feel like failure
it's there
When we lose
it is still there
It is at our lowest we find it
lying beneath the blanket of darkness
Hiding around negativity's corner
it is there
Awaken your soul,
have no fear
for your light rises each dawn
your faith always near
Another twenty four hours to get it right
Another day to stay in the light
And tho' the sun sets and darkness surrounds you,
look up you will see
Hope smiles in the night sky .......right up until that last hour
Remember it is in the darkness
if we look.....
We will find our Power
Monday, August 9, 2010
"WHY"?
When I first started Isagenix it was just a health product to me and honestly until I was actually on the product I didn't think it would be any different than the rest....little did I know that my life was about to change in a big way. Isagenix is a cleansing product that helps your body cleanse the toxins it encounters and it does it on a cellular level....that is the scientific part of it. I have began more than a body cleanse....I have begun to cleanse my life from the toxins, the pain, the negativity and all of the past "yuk". I didn't plan on it being this way it just happened....or so I thought until today.
Once I started to feel the results of this amazing product my belief in it became overwhelming and I discovered that this was a way to fulfill one of the dreams I had always had of being a nutritionist that would help people nutritionally heal their bodies. I have endless books on the power of healing foods, however I gave up on that dream because of the schooling it required....I just didn't see myself putting in that kind of time...so I let that dream go....along with myself and my own health.
In network marketing you must be on a constant journey of self development and for the first time in my life I have felt "open" and "coachable"....so I began not knowing what I was really looking for. I am learning to set goals, have a vision, and the steps to achieve what I want. Typical right? I felt just that way....like I was going through these motions but I didn't know why....."WHY"....a big part of the journey in self improvement is finding your "why". Well of course I know my "why" I thought....to have financial freedom, to be able to help my kids like my parents helped me, to be able to move to that little shack on the beach and spend my afternoons writing and to be healthy so that I will not die like my parents did. Sounds great right? These are still very big "whys" for me and will remain in my list of "whys", however something was happening to me emotionally that I did not understand. August is a tough month for me because it is the month that my parents both became ill and passed...August and September...I just chalked it up to that.
One of my most favorite young people, a billionaire at the age of 27, a motivational writer and speaker is Jordan Wirz. He is not my favorite because of the things I just listed....he is my favorite because he took the time one day to recognize an email and remember someone that was in need of his help. I believe that the connections I have been having lately are gifts from God, a sort of divine intervention on my behalf. That is a whole other story.....anyway I am reading and working the steps in his book and in this moment in the middle of one of his chapters it hit me like a ton of bricks....Emotion washed over me like this raging wave that I could not control, I felt as if I had been knocked off my feet and my stomach felt strange....A single tear dropped onto the page and the floodgates were opened....I sprung to my feet and started pacing because this is the month, or rather 2 months that I do not allow myself to cry because if I do I'm afraid I won't stop. Well, the pacing didn't help because these "ah ha" moments kept coming at me just like the crashing waves on a beach....one minute rolling the next crashing. It was and is the most incredible discovery I have made and for the first time I think that I have done two things....One I have discovered the reason I am so passionate and so relentless about this nutritional product and the problems we are facing with our health.....Two...I am beginning to heal. I have discovered the biggest "Why" I have to do what I am doing....in doing this business as a Health, Wellness and Cleansing Coach I have the opportunity to help people become healthy and the opportunity to heal my pain of losing my parents. What do the two have to do with each other? Let me tell you......
When my mother became ill with COPD they told us it was from smoking, of course that was the obvious reason. Me, being the researcher that I am, (which by the way I took from my Mom) started researching her options and of course why she got this horrifying disease. I found out about the chemicals used to treat the tobacco and was shocked that they were allowed. I also knew that she had painted with every type of chemical laden paint there was, she hated bugs so she sprayed the strongest pesticides she could find, she remodeled every house we ever had, which meant dealing with possible lead paint and asbestos and God knows what else. The more I researched the more I knew what was coming. Then the medications began, most of which she was allergic to.....the meds that she needed the most made her worse....She had a great doctor and he nutritionally counseled her, helped her to gain weight and begin to fight the battle she had in front of her. Through all of my research I couldn't help her, I couldn't change anything.....I was helpless...I turned it over to God and was there for her through every step....right up until the night she collapsed in my arms and I knew I was getting ready to say goodbye. I was angry....not at God...but at the tobacco companies, the paint companies....and I vowed to avoid any type of chemicals because I myself had already experience chemical toxicity. I lost my Mom, my best friend on August 18, 2004 she was 64 years young.
My Dad lived three years longer than my Mom....but not without pain and suffering from his own diseases. He was a walking miracle. In his lifetime he had underwent 18 MAJOR surgeries. He had spinal and neck fusions, gallbladder, appendix, stomach cancer, defibrillator and pacemaker, and a triple aortic aneurysm from which he only had a 10% chance of living. On top of all of this he also had skin cancer and diabetes. He was amazing...he ran around at 74 like he was 30. He never let anything stop him...he had life in him....His neck and back problems were due to accidents, however his other conditions were due to diet....you see my Dad was a complete meat and potatoes man, from the South, everything fried. He was also a big bacon, sausage and processed meat eater. All chemical laden foods. After his stomach cancer in which he had most of his stomach removed he began to eat a little better until my Mom passed and then he did whatever he wanted because he knew....if his time was limited he was going to live the life out of it....and he did.
When he would start feeling bad I would research the recent medications he was on....19 of them to count...and find out the side effects and what he could do nutritionally to help....some of those meds actually contributed to his heart problems and blood sugar issues.....but they were needed to treat the same problems...Is that crazy? We had to be careful of supplements and I tried to help him with anything I could....I couldn't help him.....Congestive Heart Failure took him from me September 27, 2007.
My parents struggled their whole lives to give me and my siblings the best that they could....we always thought we were rich.....we weren't rich with money....we were rich with love. I watched my Mom cry at night over a stack of bills and I also watched and helped them build companies that gave them a little financial freedom in the latter part of their lives....however....most of it they gave to their children and grandchildren. In my Dad's final year he lived with a huge financial burden and worry that he would outlive the money he had, which he did and he began to live on credit cards. Most of this I didn't realize until after he passed....It made me scared to think that I might be there someday......being worried about affording my medication or food. This is not how we were meant to live our lives in our Golden Years.......I knew I had to do something different, however I felt lost....what was I going to do? Divorced, broke, and losing everything I had....which honestly meant nothing to me because I knew what real loss was now....I began to explore my possibilities...with no success....I felt as though I were hitting a wall at every turn.
I wanted to be the parent to my children that my parents were to me....but that didn't seem to be God's plan...I started Isagenix and realized I could become whatever I wanted....I decide my income...sounds great right? Again....keep hitting walls....until tonight...the wall came down or I stepped through a door....either way I know WHY.....I KNOW MY WHY!
I couldn't help them.....no matter what I did, how much I researched....I COULDN'T SAVE THEM! No matter what I did I couldn't make my Dad's final years easier like he had made so many of mine. I know my parents were proud of me and loved me and I have no doubt in their belief in me....my doubt has been of myself..until tonight.
This all brings me to my "ah ha" moment that has me still reeling...that is why I had to get it out in print...I'm still processing this.....I am very, very, very serious about Isagenix....and sometimes I feel strange because I am so emotional about it.....again...chalking it up to the emotional months....until tonight. I hear of someone else being diagnosed with Cancer....a child suffering from a brain tumor....friends with heart problems....and I cry.....thinking "Damn.....if only they would have known about all of this before".....I knew I loved this product and I know it is changing lives....I see it...there are facts....it is not something that you need to "buy into"....It is real...the danger is real....and I want to change that.
I am watching people I love struggle everyday financially and physically......one affects the other...they go hand in hand....Single mom's getting laid off, unemployment cut...not way to pay their bills or feed their children....Families losing everything. Families face with medical crisis' and no money to pay for the help they need. It is frightening and unnecessary. I am drawn to help.....I feel as though I am called to do this...like I have been preparing my whole life for this time. I want to change this
I do what I do because I couldn't save them.....I couldn't change the damage....I certainly knew I couldn't take on the food industry, tobacco industry, chemical, pharmaceutical, etc., I felt in some way as though I had let them down.....I know that it was not my job to "fix it" or "save" them and I didn't even know I had this weighing on me until tonight....I knew there was something that I couldn't heal....I thought it was just because I missed them so much...and that won't ever change but this was something deeper....something that kept me up at nights...I couldn't save them but I CAN help save someone.....I can help my family and friends know about these terrible things that cause so much damage....I can teach my children and my grandchildren to help themselves be protected and hopefully change something in this toxic world.....I can take my pain and turn it into something amazing.
My "Why"?...........You just read it......this is something I must do and in doing it I will help heal that part of me that felt like I should have known.
I'm not sure I can explain the feeling I have tonight...my emotions are all over...I feel relief, empowered, excited....tired ......and inspired.
I would suggest to any of you that read this to discover yourself.....a great start is a book called Become Incredible by Jordan Wirz. He lives in Las Vegas and is a very kind and wonderful person. This book will bring you to your knees .....do the work in it....You are worth it and I'm glad I am.....it is a journey...one that I do not believe ends and it is hard..sometimes there are tears,anger and denial....then you work through them and find the joy....because that my friends is what we should be living....a joy filled life...loving what we do and doing what we love.
For the first time in a long time I am looking forward to the morning, I have a whole new outlook and know that I need to trust myself and my feelings.....I know that people might get sick of me telling them about it but I will not stop.....I cant....I have to do everything I can to help people help themselves and I do not feel bad about it all.....Thank you Mom and Dad....even in your afterlife you are still pushing me towards being the best I can be and inspiring me....I miss you.
Once I started to feel the results of this amazing product my belief in it became overwhelming and I discovered that this was a way to fulfill one of the dreams I had always had of being a nutritionist that would help people nutritionally heal their bodies. I have endless books on the power of healing foods, however I gave up on that dream because of the schooling it required....I just didn't see myself putting in that kind of time...so I let that dream go....along with myself and my own health.
In network marketing you must be on a constant journey of self development and for the first time in my life I have felt "open" and "coachable"....so I began not knowing what I was really looking for. I am learning to set goals, have a vision, and the steps to achieve what I want. Typical right? I felt just that way....like I was going through these motions but I didn't know why....."WHY"....a big part of the journey in self improvement is finding your "why". Well of course I know my "why" I thought....to have financial freedom, to be able to help my kids like my parents helped me, to be able to move to that little shack on the beach and spend my afternoons writing and to be healthy so that I will not die like my parents did. Sounds great right? These are still very big "whys" for me and will remain in my list of "whys", however something was happening to me emotionally that I did not understand. August is a tough month for me because it is the month that my parents both became ill and passed...August and September...I just chalked it up to that.
One of my most favorite young people, a billionaire at the age of 27, a motivational writer and speaker is Jordan Wirz. He is not my favorite because of the things I just listed....he is my favorite because he took the time one day to recognize an email and remember someone that was in need of his help. I believe that the connections I have been having lately are gifts from God, a sort of divine intervention on my behalf. That is a whole other story.....anyway I am reading and working the steps in his book and in this moment in the middle of one of his chapters it hit me like a ton of bricks....Emotion washed over me like this raging wave that I could not control, I felt as if I had been knocked off my feet and my stomach felt strange....A single tear dropped onto the page and the floodgates were opened....I sprung to my feet and started pacing because this is the month, or rather 2 months that I do not allow myself to cry because if I do I'm afraid I won't stop. Well, the pacing didn't help because these "ah ha" moments kept coming at me just like the crashing waves on a beach....one minute rolling the next crashing. It was and is the most incredible discovery I have made and for the first time I think that I have done two things....One I have discovered the reason I am so passionate and so relentless about this nutritional product and the problems we are facing with our health.....Two...I am beginning to heal. I have discovered the biggest "Why" I have to do what I am doing....in doing this business as a Health, Wellness and Cleansing Coach I have the opportunity to help people become healthy and the opportunity to heal my pain of losing my parents. What do the two have to do with each other? Let me tell you......
When my mother became ill with COPD they told us it was from smoking, of course that was the obvious reason. Me, being the researcher that I am, (which by the way I took from my Mom) started researching her options and of course why she got this horrifying disease. I found out about the chemicals used to treat the tobacco and was shocked that they were allowed. I also knew that she had painted with every type of chemical laden paint there was, she hated bugs so she sprayed the strongest pesticides she could find, she remodeled every house we ever had, which meant dealing with possible lead paint and asbestos and God knows what else. The more I researched the more I knew what was coming. Then the medications began, most of which she was allergic to.....the meds that she needed the most made her worse....She had a great doctor and he nutritionally counseled her, helped her to gain weight and begin to fight the battle she had in front of her. Through all of my research I couldn't help her, I couldn't change anything.....I was helpless...I turned it over to God and was there for her through every step....right up until the night she collapsed in my arms and I knew I was getting ready to say goodbye. I was angry....not at God...but at the tobacco companies, the paint companies....and I vowed to avoid any type of chemicals because I myself had already experience chemical toxicity. I lost my Mom, my best friend on August 18, 2004 she was 64 years young.
My Dad lived three years longer than my Mom....but not without pain and suffering from his own diseases. He was a walking miracle. In his lifetime he had underwent 18 MAJOR surgeries. He had spinal and neck fusions, gallbladder, appendix, stomach cancer, defibrillator and pacemaker, and a triple aortic aneurysm from which he only had a 10% chance of living. On top of all of this he also had skin cancer and diabetes. He was amazing...he ran around at 74 like he was 30. He never let anything stop him...he had life in him....His neck and back problems were due to accidents, however his other conditions were due to diet....you see my Dad was a complete meat and potatoes man, from the South, everything fried. He was also a big bacon, sausage and processed meat eater. All chemical laden foods. After his stomach cancer in which he had most of his stomach removed he began to eat a little better until my Mom passed and then he did whatever he wanted because he knew....if his time was limited he was going to live the life out of it....and he did.
When he would start feeling bad I would research the recent medications he was on....19 of them to count...and find out the side effects and what he could do nutritionally to help....some of those meds actually contributed to his heart problems and blood sugar issues.....but they were needed to treat the same problems...Is that crazy? We had to be careful of supplements and I tried to help him with anything I could....I couldn't help him.....Congestive Heart Failure took him from me September 27, 2007.
My parents struggled their whole lives to give me and my siblings the best that they could....we always thought we were rich.....we weren't rich with money....we were rich with love. I watched my Mom cry at night over a stack of bills and I also watched and helped them build companies that gave them a little financial freedom in the latter part of their lives....however....most of it they gave to their children and grandchildren. In my Dad's final year he lived with a huge financial burden and worry that he would outlive the money he had, which he did and he began to live on credit cards. Most of this I didn't realize until after he passed....It made me scared to think that I might be there someday......being worried about affording my medication or food. This is not how we were meant to live our lives in our Golden Years.......I knew I had to do something different, however I felt lost....what was I going to do? Divorced, broke, and losing everything I had....which honestly meant nothing to me because I knew what real loss was now....I began to explore my possibilities...with no success....I felt as though I were hitting a wall at every turn.
I wanted to be the parent to my children that my parents were to me....but that didn't seem to be God's plan...I started Isagenix and realized I could become whatever I wanted....I decide my income...sounds great right? Again....keep hitting walls....until tonight...the wall came down or I stepped through a door....either way I know WHY.....I KNOW MY WHY!
I couldn't help them.....no matter what I did, how much I researched....I COULDN'T SAVE THEM! No matter what I did I couldn't make my Dad's final years easier like he had made so many of mine. I know my parents were proud of me and loved me and I have no doubt in their belief in me....my doubt has been of myself..until tonight.
This all brings me to my "ah ha" moment that has me still reeling...that is why I had to get it out in print...I'm still processing this.....I am very, very, very serious about Isagenix....and sometimes I feel strange because I am so emotional about it.....again...chalking it up to the emotional months....until tonight. I hear of someone else being diagnosed with Cancer....a child suffering from a brain tumor....friends with heart problems....and I cry.....thinking "Damn.....if only they would have known about all of this before".....I knew I loved this product and I know it is changing lives....I see it...there are facts....it is not something that you need to "buy into"....It is real...the danger is real....and I want to change that.
I am watching people I love struggle everyday financially and physically......one affects the other...they go hand in hand....Single mom's getting laid off, unemployment cut...not way to pay their bills or feed their children....Families losing everything. Families face with medical crisis' and no money to pay for the help they need. It is frightening and unnecessary. I am drawn to help.....I feel as though I am called to do this...like I have been preparing my whole life for this time. I want to change this
I do what I do because I couldn't save them.....I couldn't change the damage....I certainly knew I couldn't take on the food industry, tobacco industry, chemical, pharmaceutical, etc., I felt in some way as though I had let them down.....I know that it was not my job to "fix it" or "save" them and I didn't even know I had this weighing on me until tonight....I knew there was something that I couldn't heal....I thought it was just because I missed them so much...and that won't ever change but this was something deeper....something that kept me up at nights...I couldn't save them but I CAN help save someone.....I can help my family and friends know about these terrible things that cause so much damage....I can teach my children and my grandchildren to help themselves be protected and hopefully change something in this toxic world.....I can take my pain and turn it into something amazing.
My "Why"?...........You just read it......this is something I must do and in doing it I will help heal that part of me that felt like I should have known.
I'm not sure I can explain the feeling I have tonight...my emotions are all over...I feel relief, empowered, excited....tired ......and inspired.
I would suggest to any of you that read this to discover yourself.....a great start is a book called Become Incredible by Jordan Wirz. He lives in Las Vegas and is a very kind and wonderful person. This book will bring you to your knees .....do the work in it....You are worth it and I'm glad I am.....it is a journey...one that I do not believe ends and it is hard..sometimes there are tears,anger and denial....then you work through them and find the joy....because that my friends is what we should be living....a joy filled life...loving what we do and doing what we love.
For the first time in a long time I am looking forward to the morning, I have a whole new outlook and know that I need to trust myself and my feelings.....I know that people might get sick of me telling them about it but I will not stop.....I cant....I have to do everything I can to help people help themselves and I do not feel bad about it all.....Thank you Mom and Dad....even in your afterlife you are still pushing me towards being the best I can be and inspiring me....I miss you.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Leach
In a body cast with a hole in the stomach area he spent his waking hours chasing after her, she was barely a year old and quite the handful. "BaBa" she would yell as she banged her little fist on the refrigerator.....most would think she meant a bottle but he knew she wanted a slice of the stick bologna that he had in the fridge. He would struggle, in pain and get her what she wanted because she was his weakness, she was his baby girl. Once she got her piece of bologna he would lay down and she would crawl up and lay down on his belly, right in the hole in the cast and that is how she became "The Leach"!
No matter where he was she was hanging on to his leg. He was hard pressed to have an adult conversation with the men at a party because his little leach was always hanging on. He never seemed to mind, in fact he spoiled her rotten. When she was barely two years old he found a little car that he wanted her to have, however he thought it should be red. He bought it and took it down to a body shop and had it painted red so that his little leach would have her little red car. Her Mom described the scene when they picked it up. "Right between a big truck and a sedan here sat this little red car on a hoist....It was shameful!" she would say.The day after he brought it home his little leach laughed with glee then beat it up with a big spoon, chipping the beautiful red paint that he had just spent their grocery money on..... he just laughed.....after all....she could do no wrong in his eyes.
As the years passed nothing changed, she was always one of the boys and right by her Daddy......even when they wanted to have some male bonding time! There were times when her brothers and Dad would have to sneak out just to have that time and her Daddy knew he would be wracked with guilt and have to make up to her.....always! They went fishing....she went fishing....they had BB guns....she had one too....they jumped on motorcylces.....hers had to be bigger....all the while he encouraged her and let her be herself. He always made her feel safe no matter what she did.
I am that "leach" and that man was the best Daddy any little girl could have......He made me feel safe and empowered.....he was like that eagle that soars so high and I was the little butterfly resting on his wing.....This is just the beginning of a chapter about my Daddy.....and it will take many chapters to cover his life....He was more than just an amazing Dad.....he was a great man and a mentor to many....so there will be more to come!
No matter where he was she was hanging on to his leg. He was hard pressed to have an adult conversation with the men at a party because his little leach was always hanging on. He never seemed to mind, in fact he spoiled her rotten. When she was barely two years old he found a little car that he wanted her to have, however he thought it should be red. He bought it and took it down to a body shop and had it painted red so that his little leach would have her little red car. Her Mom described the scene when they picked it up. "Right between a big truck and a sedan here sat this little red car on a hoist....It was shameful!" she would say.The day after he brought it home his little leach laughed with glee then beat it up with a big spoon, chipping the beautiful red paint that he had just spent their grocery money on..... he just laughed.....after all....she could do no wrong in his eyes.
As the years passed nothing changed, she was always one of the boys and right by her Daddy......even when they wanted to have some male bonding time! There were times when her brothers and Dad would have to sneak out just to have that time and her Daddy knew he would be wracked with guilt and have to make up to her.....always! They went fishing....she went fishing....they had BB guns....she had one too....they jumped on motorcylces.....hers had to be bigger....all the while he encouraged her and let her be herself. He always made her feel safe no matter what she did.
I am that "leach" and that man was the best Daddy any little girl could have......He made me feel safe and empowered.....he was like that eagle that soars so high and I was the little butterfly resting on his wing.....This is just the beginning of a chapter about my Daddy.....and it will take many chapters to cover his life....He was more than just an amazing Dad.....he was a great man and a mentor to many....so there will be more to come!
VISION
"As the car decended upon the coast, I drew a breathe of fresh sea air, it was as if I were breathing in a thousand little fingers massaging all of the stress from my body. This is where I feel home.....this is where I feel peace....this must be the place I am headed to....soon!" This paragraph has been in my drafts for a year now and for the first time I believe it to be true, I believe that I will be exactly where I want to be......
Sitting on the balcony above the ocean, breathing in the salty air I close my eyes and become my vision. Today I am healthy, fit and sitting on the porch of my own little beach house......I have an overwhelming sense of peace and joy. I am in balance.....my life is finally what I have worked hard for it to be. My finances are in balance....my body, soul and spiritual self is balanced. I have no worries.....my children are doing well financially and physically. .I have happiness, friendship, love, joy, peace and I am content. I have another book started on the computer sitting on the beautiful desk just inside.....Life is good.....I sit and take in the wonderful breath of air filled with jasmine and honeysuckle mixed with a salty ocean breeze and I think.....AHHHHHHH!
This is my vision, this is where I am going and this is where I WILL BE by the time I turn 55. I have become a doer....not a gonna doer! I have set my goals and my eye is on the prize, I have begun to build the life I thought I was building all these years and I am ok with it......I am more than ok with it.....I am ECSTATIC! For once in my life I feel capable, able, strong, confident, positive and hopeful.......for real........not just a thought or a dream in my head but an actual reality. I know what I am called to do and I am not suprised by it anymore.....this is what I was always suppose to do....I just needed to learn some lessons before I was ready to embarq on this journey.....I smile because I know my Mom and Dad are smiling down on me and I can hear my Mom tell me ..."I told you so!" of course like mothers do. I can hear my Daddy say "I always knew you could do it, I don't know why you didn't know you could do it!" (He used to tell me that all the time.)
So here in print I am putting it out there......I will reach my goals, I will have my life that I want and I will do it by helping others to do the same.....and today.....I BELIEVE IT!
Sitting on the balcony above the ocean, breathing in the salty air I close my eyes and become my vision. Today I am healthy, fit and sitting on the porch of my own little beach house......I have an overwhelming sense of peace and joy. I am in balance.....my life is finally what I have worked hard for it to be. My finances are in balance....my body, soul and spiritual self is balanced. I have no worries.....my children are doing well financially and physically. .I have happiness, friendship, love, joy, peace and I am content. I have another book started on the computer sitting on the beautiful desk just inside.....Life is good.....I sit and take in the wonderful breath of air filled with jasmine and honeysuckle mixed with a salty ocean breeze and I think.....AHHHHHHH!
This is my vision, this is where I am going and this is where I WILL BE by the time I turn 55. I have become a doer....not a gonna doer! I have set my goals and my eye is on the prize, I have begun to build the life I thought I was building all these years and I am ok with it......I am more than ok with it.....I am ECSTATIC! For once in my life I feel capable, able, strong, confident, positive and hopeful.......for real........not just a thought or a dream in my head but an actual reality. I know what I am called to do and I am not suprised by it anymore.....this is what I was always suppose to do....I just needed to learn some lessons before I was ready to embarq on this journey.....I smile because I know my Mom and Dad are smiling down on me and I can hear my Mom tell me ..."I told you so!" of course like mothers do. I can hear my Daddy say "I always knew you could do it, I don't know why you didn't know you could do it!" (He used to tell me that all the time.)
So here in print I am putting it out there......I will reach my goals, I will have my life that I want and I will do it by helping others to do the same.....and today.....I BELIEVE IT!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
