Today........is Someday!

Today is Someday......when we were bright eyed innocent little kids we would say....."Someday I'm gonna be, do....have........"....we would dream of being movie stars, or space men or teachers, doctors, firemen, policemen.....the list goes and changes many times!  We grew up thinking we HAD to be something or "someone" and we did....not all of us stayed with the same "I'm gonna......when I grow up" thing.....some us took turns and different roads that led us to where we are today.......Today is our Someday!


Funny, yet sad that it takes til our 40's to know now that even though we are something ....we are not the things that we do....we are the things that are intangeble....we are more than being a mom or a dad, daughter or son, friend or foe, etc.
One of my very wise friends just said..." .we  have always allowed others to define us"  In no way does that make us a victim....it has been a lesson.....it has been a season in our lives.  Some of us are out of that season...others still in it....and then those of us struggling to get out of it....hanging on but wanting to let go...


It is time for US.......time to gather with friends....share our stories, our laughter, our goofiness....sometimes our seriousness....our kindness.....our love....our comfort.....Time to dance on tables, have a bon fire (even if it is in  a fire pit and its not on Pebble Rd....LOL Im only a block off....close enought right?)

Time for a new season.....so in the cold of winter bundle up, make a cup of tea....ahhh....who am I kidding....have that glass of Merlot, shot of tequila, or fine aged whiskey.....and get ready! When the weather warms, and the flowers begin to bud and there are a few little birds starting to wake you early......then my friends we will celebrate OUR season!
Now don't get any crazy thoughts in your heads and go out and buy a sports car or start hanging out past your bedtime!!!  I mean we will become US again.....only we will be wiser, hopefully smarter, kinder, however our time will be more valuable.....I think we will become more choosy in how we spend our time, our hearts, our feelings and our limits.....I think it will become a time of quality.....it will be a gift.....and if we don't slow down we will miss it....We spend a lot of time getting away from our beginning, a lot of time "becoming", a lot of time working on "our future"....on our kids future.....am I right?  As for me ....I know.....it is ok to slow down...it is ok to smell the roses.....it is ok to stay you.....its ok to grow up...it is ok to act like a kid......I want my kids to know that their Mom did it....all of it...whatever "it" is and was happy.....I want them to know it is good to be responsible, but you can still be a kid no matter how old you are....I want them to know that hanging on to their joy and peace is the most important thing along with love.....I want them to learn to enjoy TODAY......and not wait for SOMEDAY......because when someday finally comes.....it leaves you with .........less.....time.


Live, Love and Laugh....Be Present in the moment......God gave you a new 24 hours to get it right!!!!!!!.....Today is your Someday!

A tribute to my Mom, My friend

I wrote this right after I lost my Mom....pain seems to be our muse at times....This is for you Ma!


You filled my days with rainbow lights
       fairytales and sweet dream nights
A Kiss to wipe away the tears
                Chocolate pudding to calm my fears
You gave the gift of life to me
      And then in love you set me free
Im thankful for all your tender care
             For deep warm hugs and being there
When life would bring me to my knees
   We would give it to Jesus and ......dine on crackers and cheese!

In the end the choice was on me
    I was the one....... that had to set you free
So much sadness and so much pain
         I knew what you went ............again .........and again
I knew from your eyes.......... it was time to end
                               time to let go....... time to let you breathe
                                               time to trust ......that you will be waiting for me.

I hope that when you think of me
            A part of you.... you will always see
       I love you Ma..... til eternity ends
Love,
Your daughter and Your best friend

Its all about the Love....

Funny how you can start something with one intention in mind and as you begin to process you find something you never expected, something that was so far from your vision that you are taken back by it. I have been working or beginning to work on a piece and just havent been able to find my "mojo" as my sister would call it. Then a friend wrote something today that stirred something in me.....that woke my "mojo"!

When I began to type it just came flowing out like this beautiful melody from an old, comfortable love song....and then it hit me....I wasnt just writing "my story".....I was writing a love story. This is not just any old love story and not a love story in the normal sense of the phrase, but a story of the "love of...."......the love of someones life, the love of their children, the love of God, the love of family, the love of friends, the love of love and the love of hate, the love of a city, the love of a lifestyle, the love of adventure, the love of the light and the love of the dark, the love of money, the love of winning and losing, the love of business, the love of generations, the love of laughter, the love of life until death......the "love of" !
 I have had an undeniable awakening..........Love is not always a good thing, not that loving someone or something is bad....it just depends on what it is that you love and if it is worthy of that one emotion we are all afraid of, cant wait to experience, and sometimes cant wait to let go of.....Is who you love worthy of your love? Are you worthy of theirs? Is what you love worthy of the sacrifice you make to have it?

The only love that I am completely sure of is the love of and for God, the love I have for my children, and the love of my parents.....other than that, well I guess that is what I will find out in this story.  Although I thought I had come full circle and forward was the only way I was moving, I have come to realize that I must go back....not backwards ..........I must take that Journey to the beginning and there is where I will find my story.
Everyone has a story.....especially living in Las Vegas! If you have been here since the 70's or 80's....WE my friend are what we call in Vegas "connected".......if you are a Vegan you will chuckle under your breath at that word.....for here in this city of sin it means many things! So what is your story? What is your "connection" to Vegas......oh and by the way....in no way is being "connected"  a bad thing....in fact being "connected" and "reconnected" this last year has literally changed the direction of my life....it has changed my attitude, my self worth, my motivations and most of all my heart.....So tell me your story....you can change the names if you like...but we all know we have "Our story"!

Vegas Daughters (fiction based on real life)

It was about 50 years ago when a small town Texas waitress saw him, "I'm going to marry that good lookin' man!" she told her best friend. He was a tall, dark, handsome man from Arkansas with a cocky attitude and a flirty smirk on his face. He was clean cut, yet rough around the edges and he had a twinkle in his blue eyes that melted her heart. Three months later they were married.........and brace yourself for a 50 year ride to Vegas!
She was a beautiful, young, feisty, doe-eyed  looking for her way out of that small town life she felt was her ball and chain.  She pulled no punches, she said what she thought and got what she wanted. Her heart was tender, yet strong and she had been beat down her whole life.  It was her life now and she was grabbing it by the balls and going to live like there was no tomorrow. She was naive and small town but somewhere in that little Texan there was a worldly, intelligient, strong woman that knew what she wanted and on that day looking across that cafe counter she knew it was him!

It wasnt long and there was a baby on the way, her dreams were coming true! He was born, their first son.....they were like two kids with a new doll. He was a little man, Levi Cordel.....he had tiny little 501 Levis, a red flannel shirt and tiny little tennis shoes. He was so large to be so small, he was their life, their dream and he would only bless this world for a short time. All of the joy that he was, he would soon be a heartbreak that would never heal.
It was  spring and everything was new and fresh, it seemed to bre the perfect time to start a life.....with their new marriage and new child ..........they were walking on the top of the world 

Through my history I found my future, through my memories I found myself, through my faith I found my soul.

Is the end the beginning or the beginning the end?

I thought my first blog would be different than the thoughts I am about to write......somehow I thought I would be starting at the beginning........but today I lost someone very special to me and it made me wonder..........is it the end or is it the beginning? All my life I always seemed to just "know" things.....some were things that I never learned but somehow I knew...........some things were more intuitive things. Lately I have had the feeling something was coming to an end and with the New Year being upon us I had a sense of beginning, No I am not bipolar, nor do I have several personalities, however I am a Gemini!! This feeling I get happens when I am about to lose someone to death......it sometimes comes a year or so before but it doesn't leave until that person takes their last breath. Am I psychic....I don't know. What I do know is that my perception of death has changed, maybe because I have lost so many loved ones over the last decade or maybe because I have become so much stronger in my faith. Both have something to do with the other. I used to view it as the end....the end of a life here on earth, the end of a relationship, however now I have a sense of happiness for the person that I lost for they have come to the end of the beginning! Like the butterfly that works and toils as the caterpillar to build the cocoon around itself, a safe place for it to grow....for it to become.....for it to end its life as a caterpillar. Then just as it comes to its end the cocoon opens and the beautiful butterfly emerges, free, beautiful, peaceful in its beginning.........its end was its beginning. The sadness I feel today is from an ending and it is for me, for my loved one I feel joy because in the next few days his soul will emerge into the heavens where he will be with God, where he will be free of the binding of his cocoon, no pain, no ugliness.....just beauty, joy, freedom and peace. Rest in Peace my beautiful Uncle Cliff............I will see you when I am done building and growing in my cocoon