Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Looking through the window

She sat and stared out the window waiting for the headlights to come down the street. There would be a bright light shining and she would hold her breath, but no....it wasn't him. This was the first of many nights that she would wait up looking through that window. The next day he would hang his head and apologize, he went to cash his check and had a beer with the guys and then someone had more so of course he didn't want to come home drunk so he would snort a little "just to get him home". The problem was he never made it home until the paycheck was gone and so were the drugs. But the paycheck wasn't the only thing lost, so was her trust.

He would straighten up just long enough for her to believe in him again, just long enough for her to "think" she was loved and safe. But it always came back, the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she knew before he did when the next binge would happen. Each time the circumstances got worse. It started with a few beers, then he added a gram or two....which led to being gone an extra day...the paycheck lost in a machine....and Each time she was always left looking through the window..........

Yeah.....looking through the window became a past time.....what the hell was she thinkin"?  Then it happened, he straightened up for long enough that on her heart she knew her fairytale was coming true! Yeah right! So she thought....so she felt.....she would go to bed at night and watch him sleep and think how blessed they were that they came through the storm to find paradise. WHAT? Yep you heard me paradise, they were so connected that  he could make her believe anything. She believed him and they began building their family and for a few years it was amazing. She was mommy helper, cooked dinner, planned all of the kids activities, loved him through it all. It wasn't long until it happened again...........here she was two kids later........looking through the window...... To be continued........

Monday, March 21, 2011

For my Sister, my friend

When you feel you are feeling low....I will pick you up...when you think you can't take one more step I will help you....when you want to cry I will cry with you ....and then we will laugh and I will remind you how blessed we are to have each other.

We have been through hell and back and the more that life throws at us the more that we grow and the closer we become. I don't know what I would do without you.....and I don't know what you would do with out me....LOL...Today you turn 47....I remember when Mom brought you home from the hospital and you were so tiny. It is wild but I remember thinking you were a doll. Then we started to become people and boy were we opposites! Oil and water....the princess and the tomboy...you were dolls and I was motorcycles. We shared a room and fought like cats and dogs but when you were scared I stayed up with you because you thought the vampires were going to get you! We divided our room, picked on the boys when we were suppose to be taking naps, played barbies, and played in a pretend band. We made good memories when we were kids....then we grew up. We grew up and apart for awhile and then life began to happen....divorce for me...a terrible break up for you...then as women we began to bond...not without our fights of course! We were and still are completely different personalities but the events in our lives have brought us together. We have fought together, we have loved together, we have laughed together, we have lost together and we have cried together and honestly I don't know what I would do without you. When I am down you find a way to pick me up...when you are down...I will find a way to do the same. When one of us is forgetting how blessed we are the other always reminds the other one!! After losing Mom and Dad I was so alone and there you were....we got each other through it. And now everyday I thank God tbat you are not only my sister but my friend. I love you more today than I ever thought was possible....so today little sister HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I love you!